I have lived with druggies, weird people, and just plain inconsiderate people. None them compare to the roommate I have now. He is literally the most annoying person I have ever met in my life. Living with him is like water torture. If you were to take any one of these habits alone, they are endurable, but together they form a Voltron of annoyance.

I have conveniently divided them into subheadings for ease of reading:

Food/Kitchen

1. He is so cheap that he only has one bowl. It is a Superman bowl. He is a grown adult. And what does he do with this bowl? When he’s done using it he puts it right over the drain so that nothing else can drain out. Not NEXT to it, but right OVER it. Why, God, does he do this?
2. So that he doesn’t have to buy a cup nor wash it, he drinks straight from the bottle or container. Furthermore, he drinks and drinks and drinks untilhe’s out of breath and then gasps and pants for air. He does this EVERY time. No, he is not clinically retarded.
3. He goes through 4 pounds of peanut butter a week. He has gotten peanut butter on my laptop and other places. When I leave I’m going to cover all of his sh*t in peanut butter.
4. When he eats he holds his spoon like a toddler, gripping it with his fist, and his thumb faced toward the round part. He also scrapes his teeth against the metal. Sometimes I want to grab the spoon and smack him with it.
5. He buys a lot of little containers of yogurt. Does he stack them in the fridge? No. He uses as much surface area as possible.

Musical Tastes/TV

1. He listens to video game music like normal people listen to Led Zeppelin or Celine Dion or whatever 99.9 percent of the population listen to. He plays it loud, proud, and on repeat. I often cry inside. This site exemplifies the torture I face daily.
2. The only “normal” thing he listens to is Coldplay. I don’t know about you, but I hate them. He sits on the porch and sings the whole album sometimes in an off-key, strained voice. For a brief moment sometimes I think I’ve died and am in hell.
3. He is a cartoon connoisseur. Spiderman, Xmen, you name it. Well, actually, I can name all the characters now. Did you know there are 3 versions of the Batman cartoon? I kid you not.
4. He won’t buy kitchen utensils but he will buy “Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?” Seasons 1 and 2 on DVD.

Physical Body/Habits

1. He smells. The problem is that it’s not awful, but rather just past the point of no longer being good. If you don’t know what I mean, it’s like when you sniff your armpit and it’s just about to stink, and you can’t stop sniffing it because you’re not sure if it’s bad enough yet to do something about it. That’s the way he smells.
2. He’s got these little curly body hairs that get on everything like cat fur. I cannot explain the feeling I get when I find one in my mouth.
3. He will randomly stop and fling his arms out in order to crack his bones. He can crack his elbows, wrists, and fingers in one movement. It’s disgustingly impressive.
4. He belches every 10-15 minutes very loudly. I literally know he is coming home sometimes because I can hear him down the block. Our other roommate hates this more than anything else I have listed here.
5. He makes random sexual sounds. I won’t delve further into this one.
6. He just looks like a doofus. Yes, I used the word doofus. Because it’s perfect.
7. He will scratch his crotch without any subtlety while in a conversation with you.

Cell Phone

1. He has a different f*cking sound for every goddamn function on his phone. BEEP BOOP BOOP. Luckily he has chosen the most annoying ones such as spaceship sounds, and funny people noises. Oh, and he has the volume up on the highest setting.
2. He wakes up around 5-6 am every morning using his phone as an alarm. Guess what sound he uses? That’s right a f*cking rooster. Don’t get me wrong, I lived on a farm for a year, but this doesn’t quite capture the magic of rural living.
3. He loves speakerphone. And I love hearing his inane conversations.

Personality/Conversational Style

1. He prefaces every question with: “Question…” or “Can I ask you a question?” Just ask the stupid question.
2. He calls his mom, “Mummy.” He is not British.
3. I often hear him talking to himself. He likes to cheer himself on. Creepy…

Bathroom

1. He doesn’t wash his hands after he uses the bathroom. I have called him on it, but he lies and says he does.
2. In the early morning he takes a ritual dump. He doesn’t flush right away because he thinks it makes the water in the shower too hot so he waits until after his shower to flush. Sometimes he forgets, and guess who wakes up after him to be greeted by it?

Potpourri

1. He likes to hide in place like Gollum and jump out and scare me. He then runs off and celebrates how he scared me. One day I am going to punch him when he does that. He has scared our ultra-conservative Jesus freak neighbor once on accident thinking it was me.
2. He is a philosophy major. Therefore it is impossible to have a normal conversation with him. “Wow, there’s a hot girl!” … “Define hot, is that subjective or objective?”
3. He has not washed his sheets nor towel in… never? He also likes to re-wear his clothes so he does not have to spend money often on laundromats. Think of the smell mentioned in #10 slowly concentrating over time.
4. He hums. The problem is that he doesn’t hum anything in particular… just random notes. That is what drives me nuts.
5. He says he has an older brother that is exactly like him. You mean there’s another one out there?!?!

Source: RantFarm