Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate’s head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
Every time your roommate walks in yell, “Hooray! You’re back!” as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, “Shouldn’t you be going somewhere?”
Trash the room when your roommate’s not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, “Uh-oh, it looks like, THEY, were here again.”
Eat lots of “Lucky Charms.” Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can’t say anything more, or you’ll have to face the consequences.
“Drink” a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.
Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, it’s spreading.”
Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.
Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.
Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you’re doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, “Soon, soon….”
Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then give away the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, “Oh, he’s around here somewhere.”
While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that “It’s a jungle out there.” Get your roommate to bring you food and water.
Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bull’s eye.
Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.
Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say, “I think this game goes a lot faster with two players.”
Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find one that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, “It had to be done.”
Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. (”Frank Johnson! Oh, wow! 837-9494! Holy cow!”)
When you walk into the room, look at your roommate in disgust and yell, “Oh, you’re here!” Walk away yelling and cursing.
Leave memos on your roommate’s bed that say things like, “I know what you did,” and “Don’t think you can fool me.” Sign them in blood.
Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you’d like to have a conversation.
Watch “Psycho” every day for a month. Then act excited every time your roommate goes to take a shower.
Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate that the lobster is making up his own rules.
